Let's Frame The Photos

It was early morning, when the doorbell rang. Assuming it to be either the mail man or the milk man, I stretched myself and rolled over to the other side. The eyelids were shut and I could sense no sunlight reaching my eye. It couldn't be any mail man I assumed. Silence prevailed for a couple seconds and I assumed that I had imagined the doorbell in my dreams..
 Grabbing the pillow next to me I proceeded to sleep through till hunger pangs broke my sleep, when the bell rang a second time, twice. Half awake, I tried to figure out on which direction the bedroom door was; where to remove the blanket and who could the nameless person ringing my bell at this hour be. My hair all untidy and disheveled, I heard the bell for the third time and the nature of ringing it certainly was impatient. Grabbing a shawl and tying my hair up in the messiest bun, I made my way to the door. The bell rang again when I turned the latch and…

“What took you so long?”, he asked.

“I was sleeping and you… you-yo-y-you… what are you doing here?”

“I came back and… let me in at least.”

“Oh yeah sure, come in.”, I said stepping aside and unlocking the security door. He dragged in his trolleys and dumped his backpack on the single sofa. The delicate lace cover over the handles crumbled to one side and he threw himself on the three-seater.

“Your work got over so fast?”, I asked.

“No but…”

“Oh just a three-day vacation to chill out…”

“No… no honey…”

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I don’t wanna talk about all that now. You freshen up, I’ll make you breakfast.”, I started towards the kitchen.

“I know it’s not okay and I’m really…”, he said aloud following after me through the narrow corridor to the kitchen.

“Can we please not talk about this?”, I said turning towards him.

“Listen…”

“Please!!!”, I insisted.

“Okay, if that makes you feel better then…”

“Freshen  up and I’ll arrange for some breakfast.”, I cut him short again.

I went to the washroom beside the guestroom and washed my face and tidied my hair into a proper ponytail. Kitchen was just around the corner and I ransacked the refrigerator for some breakfast goodies. He liked typical breakfast and no leftovers from the last night’s dinner would do. There was none. There were no fruits either that I could make him some fresh juice. I only had noodles and cold drinks and, baked chicken and veggies left over from the night before. I could easily have that but not my husband who was very particular only when it came to food. I couldn't go out to buy any breakfast goodies that time because no shops would be open, so I decided that serving him noodles and chicken would be the best idea.

"No breakfast goodies at home Rehan, you'll have to do with noodles and chicken now. But I promise that I'll go grocery shopping today and get everything and serve you perfect breakfast tomorrow."
"It's okay honey, anything will do.", he said, settling down on the chair and pulling it forward, "won't you join me?"
"There isn't enough food."
"You do have noodles and chicken and roasted veggies, you said. That'll be enough for the two of us."
"And the coke.", I added in a childlike manner.
"Yeah yeah sure. The coke.", he laughed.
"What do you wanna have then?", I asked sitting down across him.
"The chicken will be enough food for me. And you love noodles... and we can share the roasted veggies."
"Sounds fine. But I won't share the coke,there's only a bit left and..."
"Cool kiddo! I'm not asking for a share either.", he laughed.
"Oh good then."

We had our breakfast while he told me what a terribly uncomfortable journey it is from the States to India and how he hated jet lags. I suggested that he gets a good sleep after breakfast. By the time we finished breakfast he was as sleepy as the Chocolate-cream-soldier. He went off to bed and after doing the breakfast dishes I headed towards the market. The grocery shops were open, it was almost 6:30 a.m. and the vegetable sellers were also setting up their stalls. I hadn't asked him how long he was going to stay this time but even if it's for four days, it meant a great deal of cooking because he was a big foodie. I spent two hours picking up stuff and at the end landed up in a fix. However, I met my little companions- two sixteen year old twin brothers and they helped me with the bags. They had befriended me earlier that month and they were really like my own brothers, childish, innocent, helpful and funny.

Back home, I stuffed up the refrigerator with the goodies while he kept sleeping. For the next two days, even though he had all his foodie demands, he kept sleeping through mealtimes and eating away at odd hours. Having a person around with a jet lag is so difficult!

After almost two days of dealing with the hideous jet lag, he came to life and immediately the next morning he woke me up for a morning walk and also to have breakfast at some restaurant. I felt angry but nevertheless, a part of me wanted to spend time with him.

We began to walk and I, not knowing how long a walk that would be, had stuffed my pocket with chocolates and decided to be friendly with him. Things might just workout and get better. Who knows!

It was just 5:45 in the morning and no breakfast place would be open before eight. ‘How stupid of him’, I thought.  An hour had gone by but it still was pretty early for any good breakfast places to be open. We didn’t like roadside food. Although I remembered how we used to devour the roadside tea when we were newly married and apparently in love.

I was hungry and my stomach churned and I could figure out from his face and the way he walked that he was hungry too. And also tired. We were pretty far from our apartment and almost near Town Park. I asked him if he wanted to sit down somewhere when we were crossing the park where uncles and aunties went jogging every morning, but no one lost any ounce of fat. He denied. Nevertheless, I wanted to sit somewhere and have those chocolates.

“Please! Let’s sit. My legs are tired.”

“Oh! Should’ve said that. Come.”, he held me by the hand and led me in. We chose a bench away from curious aunties and sat, with a noticeable and questionnable distance between us, given that we were not dating but legally married. I offered him chocolates and he grabbed an entire bar. Luckily I had another one and I started nibbling at it. We were oddly silent until he broke it.

“Can we not sit nearer?”, he asked.

“I guess we are in the perfect position.”, I replied curtly. And the moments the words were out, I regretted. I should’ve been more patient and respectful.

“If you’re comfortable then okay.”, he looked away.

We were halfway through with our respective chocolate bars when he decided that the entire bar would make him full.

“So you want to leave the other half in the wrapper?”, I asked him.

“No. I’ll finish. Don’t get surprised. I know you would want to finish it and I’m going to keep you company.”

“Oh no. No need.”

“I’m supposed to be with you and support you. I’m your husband and it’s my duty. And, supporting the completion of an entire chocolate bar in one go falls under one of my very important duties.”

I laughed. He could be funny at times. He joined me and we were reliving old times when we used to be good friends. We completed our chocolates and booked a cab home. It was a long ride back home with the office time traffic clogging the otherwise empty roads. Tired from the short night’s sleep and a long walk, we fell asleep in the cab.

The car jolted to a hault and we woke up. Our apartment was there a few steps away and I was comfortably leaning on him with my head on his shoulder and his arm around mine. I sat up with a jerk and looked at him perplexed.

“Had a nice sleep?”, he smiled at me.

“I’m sorry.”, I mumbled.

“What? Why?”, he said getting off the car, “How much?”, he asked the driver.

“No I mean…”

“200 bucks sir.”, the driver said.

“What? 200? Are you kidding me?”, I almost pounced on him.

“Okay okay Sanam. Calm down. 200 is fair given the traffic.”, he said handing the fare to the driver, “Come let’s go upstairs and plan the rest of our day.”, he put his hand forward.

I understood he wanted me to take it and I did. “Rest of our day?”, I said in questionning tone.

“Why yes! Don’t you want to spend time with me while I’m here?”

“Of course.”, I smiled at him, “how long are you going to be here by the way?”

“One whole week this time.”, he said happily. I felt happy too. I had missed him in the past months and wanted to be friends again. I knew I could never fall in love with him but we had been great friends and I would love to have the old times back.

Back home, I wanted to stay and tidy around a bit before leaving for a movie as he was planning to go to. I hadn’t cleaned the house for the last one week and it was in a mess. We wore our shabbiest pair of trousers and tees and started cleaning. Rearranging the stuffs were huge fun. We wanted to make the apartment look a bit different and rearranged almost everything. There were some boxes stacked at the top of the cupboard in the guest room, which Rehan suggested maybe moved to the storeroom to make the guest room look neat and tidy. Strange enough, we hardly had guests over who would spend the night. And, old photos fell out of a box.
Rehan was pretty much old-school when it came to certain things like getting all the photos printed instead of being satisfied with the softcopy, and preserving the letters his parents had written to each other, old cassettes and also his childhood storybooks. He had my childhood stuff wrapped up safely in those boxes too. Memories were very important to him while I kept running away from them. They haunted me.

“The wedding photos!”, he exclaimed joyously. I was a little surprised at his exhilaration. Maybe he is trying  to make up for the gap he had created.

“Yeah. Sorry they fell off.”, I said collecting them back.

“No no. Don’t put them back. Let’s see them. We haven’t seen them in so long.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’ll be great! Let me pour us some Whiskey.”, he said getting up.

“Umm Rehan, we’re out of drinks.”

“I’ll just go buy some then.”

“We really don’t need to drink all the time. Let’s just see the pictures. Come sit.”

They were pretty pictures of two really good looking people, dressed brilliantly, looking incredibly happy and with their families and lots and lots of friends. That’s what wedding pictures are about. It’s about preserving your wedding night forever. Inside the pile of the wedding photos was a photo from the day when he had come to see me for the first time at my place in the hills. It was a funny picture. We had just met and were asked to pose for the photo and all we did was sit with a huge gap in between and smile nervously at the camera.

The picture and the memory attached to it got us cracking.

“You were such a shy kid back then.”, he laughed.

“We had met for the first time.  I did open up after that. How can you forget?”

“I haven’t. I remember every moment spent with you.”

There goes another attempt, I smiled to myself.

“And you were also so nervous and grumpy.”, he laughed, “grumpy kid!”, he pulled my hair teasingly.

“Dude, you’re twelve years elder to me and I was scared of you.”

“What did you think? I was gonna eat you alive after marriage?”,he laughed again.

“I had just had a bad break up and we had just met and my parents were gonna marry me off to a stranger.”

“I’m a nice man, a bit old but I’m pretty cool I guess.”

“I didn’t know that back then. You were so elderly, I almost called you sir.”

“Almost? You actually called me sir.”, he laughed heartily.

“No I didn’t.”

“Oh yes darling, you did.”, he kept laughing.

“I was so silly!.”, I exclaimed starting to laugh as well, “sorry about that.”

“It’s all cool. It was as funny back then as it is now.”

“I didn’t judge you correctly at first but you’re really cool given your age.”, I acknowledged.

“Hey! I’m twelve years older to you but not in my sixties. Stop making me sound like an uncle kiddo!”, he teased me.

“Stop calling me a kiddo then first.”, I teased him back.

“Smart!”, he exclaimed.

“Always!”, I said naughtily.

I really appreciated him for being such an open minded person. I remember that when I had confessed that I was still in love with my ex lover, he had been mature enough to handle the situation saying that he wasn’t in love either and we could just be two close friends married to each other. That was the point I started opening up to him and we had become good friends or to quote him “marriage buddies”.

Among  the wedding photos, there were photos in which we had romantically posed looking very much in love. It sparked an idea in his mind.

“Hey Sanam, why don’t we frame some of these photos and hang them around the house?”, he suggested.

Okay, don’t try harder. Or maybe you should. You were the one to have left me alone.

“Are we in love or what that’we’ll go hanging our pictures around the house?”

“Oh, we had a deal, I remember. Sorry, my bad.”

“We’ll hang up our pictures when we fall in love which I don’t think will happen.”, I laughed a little.

“True that. We’re just marriage buddies.”, he laughed too.

That night we went out for dinner and we had a scrumptious, most delicious dinner we’ve had in a long time.  It wasn’t any heavily formal and aristocratic three course meal but it was everything that we liked. We had a three cheese barbecue pizza, Spaghetti Alfredo, sliced lamb in oyster sauce and herb-crusted chicken. We were so engrossed in photos that afternoon that we had forgotten to have lunch and so had set off to have an early dinner at 8:00 that evening. By 10 o’clock, we finished everything and decided to go back home.

Outside the restaurant, there was an ice cream stall and I couldn’t resist the urge to have one. We had skipped dessert so ice cream would be perfect. It was anyway much better than having a caramel parfait or classic carrot cake. I hopped to the stall and he bought me the biggest chocolate chip cone.

“Remember in the second month of our marriage, we had gone on a dinner and you insisted on having an ice cream when we were returning and then tripped and all your ice cream was on my black suit?”, he said laughing.

“Of course. That night was epic.”, I laughed.

“And instead of my suit, you were concerened about your ice cream getting wasted and…”

“You started teasing me saying “oh look at you lil kid, all upset over your ice cream. Should I buy you a teddy to compensate for the ice cream?””, I mimicked him.

He laughed, “not only that. You took me so seriously that you actually took me to the toy store to buy you a teddy.”

“I still have that.”, I laughed again.

“And you weren’t satisfied and I had to buy you the largest teddy available.”, he laughed. I laughed harder.

“We were really good friends!”, I sighed when we had calmed down a bit.

“Were? We still are and we’ll always be.”

“That’s not true and you know that.”

“What? Okay yes, things have changed a little but you have always been a great friend. It was me who was the bad guy. I went off to the States leaving you alone and miserable. And I promise I’ll make up for it.”

“Make up for it? You can never make up for it...”

“I’m here now sweetheart…”

“Now? I needed you then. I needed you when I got fired, I needed you when our application was rejected for adoption, I needed you when my parents’ flight crashed and you weren’t there…”, I broke down in his arms.

Hugging me tightly, he comforted me to silence and said, “Darling, I know I’ve been a terrible friend. I didn’t fulfill my promise of always being there for you. I know all that and I’m sorry. I am really very sorry… I wanted to come back when the news of the accident reached me. But tickets were not available. I am really sorry. Honey…”

“And before that? When I got fired?”

“You had your parents and family here to support you. I couldn’t leave the project mid way. You have to consider these little things dear…”

“Little things? My family was here? You…”

“I know it would have been great if I had been here and I am genuinely sorry.”

He looked repentant and I started feeling guilty, a tad bit. Should I tell him that I had actually started seeing him again? Or maybe I shouldn’t feel so remorseful. I was only going out because I was bored and alone and it’s not like we’re a couple or he loves me or something, I consoled myself.

“You’re the best friend I ever had and I know I’m a pretty good friend too.”, he smiled at me, “although I mess up at times, I’m not that bad. Maybe once you can forgive this foolish friend of yours?”

He had hopeful eyes and I considered confessing the truth for the second time. But again, he was the reason behind all this.

“Okay. Promise me that this time we’ll go to the adventure park. You have never taken me there.”, I said smiling a little.

“Sure! We will..”, he smiled and laughed a little.

“Okay then!”, I said exited already.

“It’s a good thing that the application for adopting a baby was rejected. You’re yourself such a baby, how would you have taken care of another one?”, he laughed. Clearly, teasing me was one of his hobbies.

Everything was going perfect and we were getting along really well when the next tragedy struck me. I was all ready to go to the adventure park when my phone rang. It was Zara, my college friend. I was happy. She had called after a long time and we hadn’t really been catching up on life. But the joy was short-lived.

Rehan was in the hall putting on his socks when he came to the room to get his hankerchief and found me sitting in a pool of tears crying hysterically.

“What’s wrong?” he hurried down to my side.

“He is no more.”, I cried harder, “Nick is no more.”

“What?”, he sounded aghast.

“Severe cardiac arrest.”, I kept crying.

“Oh no!”

“I hate being alive. I get fired, I get rejected for adoption, my parents die in a plane crash and now Nick.”

“Oh no no love. Never! You should never talk of dying. Never ever!”, he hugged me tight and close to his chest.

All I remember is crying my life out and losing my sense. I don’t know how long I had been unconscious but when I woke up in my bed, I was down with very high fever. Rehan was there, sitting beside me. I looked at him tensed.

“It’s only fever honey and the doctor has already given medicines. And I’m here as well. You relax and rest.”

“Aren’t you going back tomorrow?”, I asked feebly.

“Tickets can be cancelled and you are the most important person to me.”

“But…”

“No buts and no ifs.”, he smiled gently.

I woke up that evening with no fever and it didn’t return the next morning as well. Rehan tried everything to cheer me up but there was just this huge void that didn’t want to get filled. A part of my heart was always with Nick. He never gave back and neither did I want it back from him. He took it safely with him to heaven and here I was sitting with a hollow in my chest with absolutely nothing to do to make it better.

I grew miserable with each day and finally after a week, Rehan had had enough of my melancholic nature and sad poems. He announced a long drive to the nearest forest stating that we would stay there for two days and then drive to the hills to my home town. I agreed reluctantly.

However, once in the forest, I started feeling a little better. I took interest in the chirping of birds and the eerie silence of the forest. I wrote a nature poem that evening instead of a poem on death and also joined him for a late night drink. He booked a jungle safari next morning and I loved it. I was getting refreshed and rejuvenated. On the third day, we drove to my home town up on the hills. I had the key to my house, now that mum and dad were not there. We entered and he immediately suggested calling my old friends over that evening. I however wanted to spend it with him just. I couldn’t stand too many people at that moment.

That night while we were comfortably under our blanket watching ‘The Fault In Our Stars’ for the millioneth time, he got a call for an urgent meeting the next evening. He wanted to cancel it but I suggested that we go back and get back to life.

“But does that mean that you’re going away to States tomorrow?”

“No no. It’s in the branch office in our city.”

“Thank God! Please don’t go away now.”

“I won’t I promise. And if I have to go then I’ll take you along. You’ll get a job there and you can be happy.”

“I wouldn’t mind that.”

Early next morning, when we were about to leave, he was loading the luggage onto our car, while I was still in the room. His phone rang. It was his best friend from school. I knew him so decided to say hello.

“Are you crazy?”, the guy shouted from the other end just as I was about to say hello and without pausing, continued, “what on earth do you mean that you’re on a trip with Sanam? That girl doesn’t even deserve you. You went to States for work and she started dating behind your back  and you were okay with it? And then when you come to surprise her, all the way from USA, you see her on a romantic dinner with her ex lover and you just calmly drive back to the airport? Oh sorry! It was me who was driving. So I had to control my nerves and get you back to the airport while you could easily break down in the car and then say let her go because she is a kid. And now when her ex lover has mysteriously passed away, you take her on a trip to help her recover? Have lost your senses, you’re so in love?”

I hung up immediately. What did I just hear? Rehan knew that I had started seeing Nick and yet he was on a trip with me to help me get over Nick’s death! I was shocked like never before.

Rehan came to the room to call me and I just stood there watching him. Was he a man or God? I needed explanations. I could kill myself out of guilt that very minute but I needed to know things.

“You knew that I had started dating Nick again when you were in the States?”

“What?”, he sounded confused.

“Don’t pretend! You knew. Kabir just called up. I received and he thought it was you and gave you a nice dose and I got to know that you were here to surprise me and you saw me on a romantic dinner date with Nick and went back. And you cried. And you asked Kabir to not tell me anything.”, I sobbed like a little child, “Why? Why would you do that to someone who doesn’t love you? I’m a terrible terrible woman!”

“Oh sweetheart! No no never! You’re not a terrible woman. You’re the most beautiful woman…”

“Oh shut up, shut up, shut up!”, I kept crying.

“Honey…ssh! Calm down, calm down.”, he started patting my back and hugged me warmly.

“Sanam, you have to understand something kid. You were really not at fault. In the least. Kabir is a hyperactive guy. Don’t take him seriously…”

“Stop trying to make me feel better…”, I cried again.

“No… ssh! No more crying.”, he wiped away my tears and gave me his hankerchief, “Now listen to me.”, he said taking my tiny palm in his, “You were lonely here. Without a companion and without a job and miserable on getting fired. It was my responsibility to be with you as your companion but I wasn’t there. I was never there when you needed a friend. And that’s when Nick came to town and you found a friend in him and you went out with him. There’s nothing wrong in that honey.”

“I was still married to you!”

“But you were not in love with me. Remember, we’re not husband and wife, we’re marriage buddies. Remember?”

“But then you broke down…”

“That’s not on you. That’s on me. I broke down because I was in love with you and seeing you with Nick had put me off for sometime till I realised that we’re only married but not in love. You were not in love with me and you had the guts to make that clear. While I was a coward hiding my love all the time.”

“You felt hurt Rehan and…”

“Anyone in my place would have but weren’t we on clear terms that we’re only friends and friends can date others? It was only natural for me to feel bad at that moment. But friends we are and friends always understand, when no one else does.”

“I don’t know. I’m… I’m just so.. so guilty… I mean…”

“You’re gonna be okay once you realise that none of us were actually at fault.”

“And I kept blaming you the whole time for not coming back from the States when things happened to me here…”

“You had the full right to do so. Didn’t I just explain how friends are always there and I should’ve been here with you instead of being away in the States? You have done nothing wrong kid. You have done nothing wrong.”, he hugged me again.

“Why don’t you just hate me?”, I cried.

“For wanting a companion when I wasn’t there? Sweetie, you could love Nick even after he cheated on you, can I not love my Sanam just because she was so miserably alone that she resorted to her old lover because I hadn’t kept my promises? He cheated on you without a reason. You didn’t even cheat on me. You were not in love with me and that was clear. Don't be so hard on yourself. And see, now I'm here and I'll be there from now whenever you need me."
"I know. I'm... I missed you a lot in the last one year and..."
"I'm so sorry love, I'm so sorry. I'll never leave you here again. Promise... it's a promise to myself.", he hugged me again.

"Feeling better?", he asked after sometime.

“Yes.", I said, "Why did you take a week long break this time Rehan?”

“To get things back to old times, to become friends with you again. To get my Sanam back… I love you a bit too much to hate you ever darling.”, he smiled looking down at me.

I fell back in his arms and cried some more. Finally he said that we should leave as it would be a long drive from the hills to our apartment in the plains.
That day I learned the greatest lesson of my life from him. Love and friendship came with so much more than just romantic dates and trips and being miserable after a break up. Real love is when you accept your partner's fault when he comes back to you apologizing and repenting. Love is when you let bygones be bygones and start a fresh. 

He walked me to the car and got in the driver’s side.

“Fasten your seat belt.”, he instructed , “and if you get tired, then sleep. You’ve cried a lot and it’s gonna be a long long drive.”

“And maybe when we get back, we can select the pictures that we can get framed and hang around the apartment.”, I smiled at him.

“Of course. I’ve been waiting for this moment all this while.”, he said with a wide smile and started the car.

-Reva, 2018.