Unconventional Love

I woke up to the doorbell at 5 a.m. wondering who it could be. The newspaper man, milkman, flowerman, everyone silently kept everything at the garden table and left without a sound. Although I wake up before anyone else in the house, 5 a.m. is a bit too early for me. Sleepy as ever, I got out of my bed and slid my white kurta and pyajama, ran my hand through my dissheveled hair while walking downstairs. The sun would rise shortly, I concluded looking out of the huge glass windows of the hall.  I noticed his shawl lying clumsily on one sofa in the otherwise spick and span sitting room. Upon opening the door, I stood stoned.

“Please let me in . I’ll tell you what happened later.”

“What? How come you’re here? You're supposed to be sleeping now."

“I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you. Please let me in now. I'm super sleepy.”, he said getting in pushing me to one side. I scanned the garden, no milk or newspaper was on the table yet. He had already disappeared, so I went back to my room, set the bed and took a shower and got dressed in a light blue, slim fit, full sleeved shirt and grey trousers. Among my dozens of ties, I found a grey one that would go well with the shirt. Dressed completely, I walked to the kitchen, made tea and milk with Bournvita and went upstairs to his room. The door was ajar so I entered and removed the curtains. The sun had already risen and I liked the soft glow of the early morning sun rays. The room was in a complete mess and I have no idea how he made place for himself in that dump. The biggest mystery however was that how on earth did he ever land up in that mess every single day.

“Adi, wake up. Where had you been all night?”

“Adi… wake up I said. Where had you been? And how did you manage to sneak out?”

“Adi!!!”, I shook him into his senses.

“What?!”, he jerked awake.

“Wake up, it’s morning already.”

“I didn’t sleep whole night. Let me sleep now. Please!”

“Later. First tell me where were you? And how did you manage to sneak out?”

“Why would it be difficult to sneak out? You both were fast asleep in your rooms. I sneaked out comfortably enough!,”, he laughed naughtily.

“Where did you go? And what mischief was up your sleeve?”

“I’m not always mischievous!”

“That’s for me to decide. You tell me what your address was for the previous night.”

“Nowhere man!”

"What? You were roaming around in the streets? What’s wrong with you?”

“Uff! No. I meant I was not anywhere far off. Navin called at around one saying that it would be great if I came over, so I went there.”

“How did you get there?”

“I walked.”

“What? Why? Could’ve told me. I’d have dropped you off.”

“You were sleeping and I didn’t want to bother you.”

“That’s not the point Adi! It’s about your safety. One o’clock at night,, you’re walking down the road all by yourself, it isn’t safe at all.”

“I didn’t walk till China. Navin stays just around the corner. For that you would have taken out the car? Seriously?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“You can’t be serious!”

“I am and…”

“Okay okay. I get it. No lecture so early in the morning. I’m really sleepy and my head has also started paining.”

“Drink the milk. It’s getting cold. I’ll wake you up when I return.”

“You won’t be there whole day?”, his eyes lit up.

“Why? You want to sneak out again?”

“No man! Just asked generally.”

“No. I have some other plans for today.”

“You’re gonna take me shopping?”

“Good try but no. Go to sleep now.. I’ll wake you up by nine.”

“Just three hours?”

“Bye Adi.”

“Bye dada.”

I went downstairs and switched on the music system. Rabindrasangeet filled the air as I made breakfast for everyone and ate mine. I picked up the shawl, folded it and kept it in his room. Done with the morning chores, I left for office.

On my way, I picked up Shaon. She was dressed in a simple yet elegant saree as usual, looking lovely. One look at her rejuvenated me every morning. She was so simple yet stylish and beautiful, always smelling of fragrant perfumes.

“Good morning Abhi.”, she wished me cheerfully as she got into the seat beside me.

“Good morning beautiful!”, I said, “How’s the fever?”

“It has subsided. Don’t worry. I’m fine.”

“Why were you standing here?”

“What?”

“I’d told you that I’ll pick you up from your house. I’ll reach and honk the horn and you’ll come outside. Didn’t I tell you?”

“Yes but I was ready and you didn’t 'honk' the horn so I came here and waited.”

“There was no need. I would have gone to your house and picked you from there. As it is you aren’t well.”

“I’m fine.”

“But still…”

“Relax Abhi. You’re saying as if I’ve upset the entire plan.”

“No but…”

“Alright! Drive me back home, I’ll go inside, you 'HONK' your horn from outside and I’ll come out and get in the car again. Okay?”

“Oh man! That’s not what I meant Shaon.”, I laughed. She started laughing as well.

“Start the car now Abhi. We’re running late.”

“You really know how to turn my mood around.”, I said starting the car.

“You’ve been irritating me for the last ten years. I’m bound to know this much at least.”,she winked. She turned on the music system of the car and “Prem er o joware” started playing. Her personal favourite.

We reached office and went to our separate floors to our own respective office rooms. I checked the files and signed whichever was necessary and went to my boss to get the one day leave sanctioned. He agreed and smiled at me. “Tensed Abhi?”

“A little.”, I said.

“Why? Don’t be. It’s normal. He’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”

“I know sir but somewhere it bugs us. You would definitely agree to it.”

“I do but all I’m saying is, worrying like this will spoil your health. Don’t worry. He’s your brother and won’t go astray.”

“He’s still very immature sir.”

“We all were when we were his age. Don’t worry. Nothing will go wrong.”

“Thank you sir. I’ll come back on Monday and make up for today.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. Go home now.”, he smiled warmly.

I called Shaon telling her that I was leaving for home.

“Adi, wake up. It’s nine already.”

“Oh man! Why did you have to return so early?”

“Get up and get ready.”

“Okay okay. Don’t get angry.”

“When was the last time I got angry with you?”

“I don’t remember.”, he laughed getting off the bed.

“Then? You just keep blaming me for no reason.”

“Sorry dada.”, he kept laughing.

“It’s not funny!”, I frowned at him.

“You look so cute with that face.”, he laughed.

“Okay okay. Get ready and come downstairs. I’ll wait.”

I went to the other room to check on him. The room was empty. I knocked on the washroom door. “Baba?”, I called out. No answer. I reached the dining hall and there he was, reading the newspaper and having his toast and eggs. The tea remained untouched.

“Good morning baba.”, I greeted him.

“Good morning.”, he said without glancing up from the paper.

“Have your tea first. It’s getting cold.”

“I like it that way.”

“But baba, warm tea in the morning is good for health.”

“You don’t have to father me.”

“Yes of course. Just like you never  father-ed us.”

“Mind your tongue Abhinash.”

“Truth is always bitter baba.”, I said and went away calling for Adi.

“Coming dada!”, he called out from upstairs and I saw him coming down dressed in a new T-shirt and boxers.

“What’s this?”, I asked?

“What’s what?”

“Get dressed decently and come down. No roaming around in boxers.”

"What decently? I’m not a girl dada.”

“So what? Where is it written that only girls need to be decent?”

“Dada…”

“No arguing. Either you change or no breakfast for you this morning.”

“Okay man! Don’t balckmail me with food this way.”

“No other threat works for you.”

I brought Adi’s breakfast to the table and waited for him. He came within five minutes wearing a faded jeans below the grey round necked T-shirt which had a picture of Tom and Jerry laughing heartily. I smiled at his innocent ways. My little brother hadn’t grown up at all.

“Come have breakfast.”, I said. He sat down beside me.

“Why are you so late Aditya?”, my father asked.

“What has it got to do with you?”, he snorted back.

“Adi! Is this how you talk to your father?”, I snapped at him.

“But dada…”

“No. This is not how you behave. “

“Leave him Abhinash. He has always been ill-behaved.”, my father said.

“As if you have taught me a lot of mannerisms!”, Adi shot back.

“Enough Adi!”, I said and got up.

“Dada he…”

“Apologise to him Adi.”, I said.

“I won’t.”

“Apologise right now!”

“Dada…”

“Now I said.”

“I don’t believe you’re taking his side.”

“Your belief won’t change anything Adi. Apologise.”

“Dada…”

“Before I slap you across the face, apologise.”

“Sorry.”

“Properly!”

“That’ll suffice.”, Adi said shamelessly and turned around to leave.

“Where do you think you’re going? Apologise to him. He is our father and that’s not how you behave with your elders.”

“I’m sorry baba.”

“Good. Now sit down and have your breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”, he said teary eyed and ran upstairs.

“Adi!”, I called after him starting to run as well.

“Adi listen… I didn’t mean to be hard on you…. Adiii… listen Adi..”

He went to his room and slammed the door shut. Enough of pampering him I thought. The bell rang, marking the arrival of Ratri Mashi. She had been with us ever since I was a kid. She had become a member of the family. I met her only on Sundays as the rest of the days I’m away in my office when she comes.

“Arre Abhi baba, home today? Are you not well?”, she said.

“Good morning mashi. I’m okay. There were a few jobs to be done at home before Adi leaves tonight.”

“Oh. Where is he? Whenever you’re home he is always stuck by your side. Has he not woken up?”

“He is angry with me.”

“Why?”

“Nothing mashi. I scolded him and he’s upset about that.”

“Oh no! You shouldn’t have scolded him.”

“He misbehaved with baba and refused to say sorry. What could I have done?”

“Explain to him nicely son.”

“He wasn’t listening to me.”

“Did you try to talk to him afterwards?”

“He didn’t open the door mashi.”

“Try harder Abhi baba, he’ll open.”, she said starting towards the kitchen, “I’ll go do the dishes.”

Taking the family photo album from my room I sat down on the bed. I played “Jokhon Porbe Na Mor Payer Chinho” in my phone and flipped through the pages. That was my favourite Tagore song. There were photos of maa, baba, Adi and myself happily posing in a studio to get the mandatory family photo which I had photocopied for a school assignment on ‘My Family’ roughly a year  after maa had passed away. I remembered her vividly which Adi didn’t. He was only two years old when she abondoned us and simultaneously, baba too had become cold towards us, following her demise. He stayed in the house like a guest and treated us like random people who pass by. I don’t remember him showing any interest in our lives after maa left.

Although maa was long gone, her presense was still felt. The way the house was decorated, the paintings of Tagore she had made still adorned the walls of every room. The custom of listening to Rabindrasangeet every morning also came from her. It was because of her continuos tips when she was here, that I learnt to keep a house after she left. After maa left it was Ratri mashi who helped me to get better at household chores because baba never bothered. Mashi had her own family and kids to look after which is why she couldn’t stay with us all day long. But I was satisfied with myself at the way I had managed everything around the house and also brought up Adi.

I looked at my watch, it was amost twelve. I wondered if Adi had eaten his breakfast and went to his room. It was still locked and he didn’t answer. I asked Ratri mashi to get him to open the door saying that boudi has come over while I went downstairs to make him his favourite Maggi noodles. When I returned, Ratri mashi winked at me saying, “Adi baba was missing you.”, and left.

“Adi… still angry with dada?”

“Where’s boudi?”

“That was just to get you to open the door. Shaon is in the office.”

“Not fair dada. Won’t I meet her before leaving?”

“Of course you will. She will come over this evening and accompany us to see you off at the airport.”

“Okay.”

He kept sitting with his back towards me.

“Look Adi, I’ve got noodles for you. Your favourite Maggi noodles. Don't remain angry anymore.”

“Oh thanks.”, he took the bowl from me and started gobbling. I watched him eat ferociously, guilty that I had kept him hungry for so long. He paused for a second and looked up, saying “I’m still angry with you dada but the noodles is nice” I laughed my heart out. He was still such a kid. I wondered how I would manage after he left. I could almost feel the tears at edge of my eyes but somehow managed to control. He must have been feeling miserable too and if I broke down, it would break him further.

“How much have you packed your bags?”, I asked him.

“I’ll manage.”

“Let me manage for the last time. You’ll have to manage in the hostel by yourself anyway.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“Never mind. The trolley is under the bed. I’ve almost packed it.”

“Let me see.”, I said pulling the trolley out, “Damn! It’s almost empty. What on earth have you packed?”

“I can’t do more. I don’t even know how to pack.”

“I have taught you so many times how to fold your clothes. You never learn. Goodness knows what you’ll do in the hostel!”

“I won’t be able to manage. Please don’t send me away dada. Please!”

“I thought you were angry with me”, I said trying to avoid emotional conversation as I didn’t trust myself at the moment. The very though of staying without Adi can break me any minute and from that night onwards I would actually have to live without him for the next six months.

“You know I can’t be angry with you for long. I don’t want to go dada.”

“You have to.”, I said, folding his clothes and keeping them in the trolley, “Education is necessary.”

“You’re important too.”

“I’m always there Adi. You can call me any moment. I promise to pick up your calls always. Trust me!”

“Sometimes you don’t even receive boudi’s calls, you’ll definitely not receive my calls also when you’re busy.”

“Adi, you mean much more than Shaon and in case I miss your call, you can always call Shaon.”

“That’s true.”

“Good.”, I smiled at him, “Did I give you all the important papers for your college?”

“No. They are still with you.”

“Okay. You fold these clothes like I folded the rest while I get those papers.”, I said, leaving, “And don’t tell Shaon that you’re more important to me than she is.”

“No worries dada.”, he laughed.

I went to my room and unlocked my phone. It was still playing Rabindrasangeet. There were twelve missed calls from boss. Perplexed, I called him back.

“Abhi, it’s a rather bad news.”, he said picking up.

“What?”

“Just don’t freak out okay?”

“What happened sir?”

“Shaon…”

“What’s wrong with her?”, I said, my heart near my throat already.

“She’s met with an accident. Can you come? We’ve admitted her in the Peerless.”

“I’m on my way sir.”, I hung up and ran to Adi’s room.

“Adi, just pack the bags yourself. I’ll come back and help you.”, I ran off immediately.

“What’s wrong dada?”, he asked starting after me.

“Shaon met with an accident. I’m going to see her.”, I said, running down the stairs.

“I’m coming with you.”

“No. Stay back and pack.”

“Dada…”

“No Adi. Your bags need to be packed.”

I rewinded my life few years back while driving to the hospital. It was a fine sunny Sunday when I had continuosly pleaded with maa to get me an ice cream. I was twelve and Adi was two. We were crossing the road and I was ahead of her. Suddenly I was thrown to the footpath and looking back I saw her run over by a car. I lost consciousness and when I came back to my sense after long with a 102 C fever, relatives were already pouring in our house mourning my mother’s death and Adi sat beside me crying. Ratri mashi was in tears as well while baba sat with a stone face in one corner. I thanked God that dadu and dida were not alive to see their only daughter’s funeral. Although I kept dying inside everyday, Adi was the only reason I fought through life.

I reached the hospital and met kaku, Shaon’s father. Kakima sat there crying copiously. I tried to comfort her, breaking to bits inside. There was my love lying in the ICU, without a guarantee to her life; my brother was about to leave for hostel. What was wrong with my life? Kaku was however much more calm and took care of the situation. He and I spoke to the doctors regarding Shaon’s treatment. They informed us that she would have to bebe operated and the surgery would be a bit critical and risky. My heart sank. It was more than I could bear and yet, I managed a steady face.

Adi called asking about Shaon’s condition and when I would return. He was clearly helpless without me and I was struck there in the hospital, refusing to go home.

“I’ll return in the evening Adi. Have your lunch and get some sleep. I’ll come home and give you the papers.”
"How is boudi? Is it very serious?"
"No no. Not at all. I'll make you talk with her tomorrow after you reach.", I lied.
"Oh that's a relief. How long will she have to stay there?"
"Maximum till tomorrow evening.", I lied again, expecting a further disastrous news in reality.
"Oh. That's very good. by the way dada, are you all alone with boudi?"
"No no, kaku and kakima is here. Boss might also arrive any minute. He had called up a little while back."

“Dada, please come home then. I’m totally confused about what to take and what not to.”

“Please manage Adi. I can’t come now.”
"But dada, everyone is there with boudi. I really need your help to pack."
"Please try a little. I'll come home a little later. Please!"
"Okay.", he said disheartened.
"Don't be upset son, I'll come and help you. Bye."

“Go home son. Adi needs you. We all are here with Shaon. We’ll keep updating you about her.”, kaku said after I hung up.

“But kaku…”

“You’re matured enough to prioritise Abhi.”

“Okay kaku. But do call me whenever you need me.”

“Of course son.”. I turned around and saw boss coming up the corridor towards us.

"Abhi, you go home. Mr. Choudhuri is right. We all are here. Adi needs to be guided now."
"I know sir but somewhere I'm just too messed up with what to do."
"I can understand your situation Abhi, but you know who needs you most now. We don't need to tell you that, isn't it?"
"I know sir... but... okay, I think I'll get going then. You please take care of kakima and keep updating me about Shaon."
"Don't worry about that."

On my way back home I stopped at the mall. I had to pick up a few things for Adi. With my mind continuosly swinging between Shaon and Adi, I picked up biscuits, noodles, towels, ahnkerchiefs, socks and other such necessary items that Adi would need in the hostel. I couldn’t trust him to go buy important stuff for himself away in the hostel, away from me. He would instead go to the mall, play games in the Time Zone and return back with nothing useful. So I wanted to send in as much as possible, keeping in mind the weight issue.

When I reached home, Adi was almost finishing his lunch and baba  was pacing up and down the dining hall continuously talking over phone. Adi asked me about Shaon and I told him that it wasn’t anything very serious. 
"Is boudi okay?", he asked again.
"Yes dear. She'll get even better tomorrow.", I kept lying.
I couldn’t make him more miserable before he left for so many months. 

Baba came back to the table with a tensed face.

“I had called Mr. Choudhuri.”, he said.

“Okay. I’ll get back to that later. Let me first go upstairs and get done with the packing.”

I left hurriedly not willing to discuss Shaon’s accident before Adi. I emptied the shopping bags and started stuffing them in the trolley. Baba finished his lunch and came to Adi’s room.

“Why did you avoid the topic?”

“Adi doesn’t know that Shaon is serious. And I don’t want to disclose it beofre he leaves.”

“Okay.”

“What did kaku say?”

“He is disturbed. He informed that the operation will take place at seven this evening.”

“What? I’ll have to be with Adi at the aiport that time. I wanted to be there with kaku during the surgery.”, I sat down dejected. Nothing was going well in my life.

“I’ll go to the hospital. You go along with Aditya.”

“You?”

“Yes. Why not?”

“No. Nothing.”

“I’m not so hard hearted son. I understand your situation.”

“I’m okay baba. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“It’s okay. I kow you can hide your emotions well. By the way, here’s the money. Give it to Aditya.”

“Okay baba.”

“Go have your lunch”

“It’s already past four. I’m not hungry anyway.”

“Whatever you wish.”

I packed his bags, kept all the documents filed up neatly, and went to my room. I took a shower and changed my clothes. Shaon loved to see me in a white, full sleeved shirt and black slim fit trousers with a jet black tie knotted tightly. I dressed up accordingly. I don't know why, but maybe because of Adi I dressed up nicely. Maybe because I didn't want to show him that I was dying inside, I wore stuff that people wear to office parties and chill out with their colleagues. It was nearing five. I went to the temple that maa had decorated with her own hands with charcoal paintings of Radha and Krishna and lit the evening diya to pray for Adi and Shaon. I questioned God that why it was always me who was put to test. On second thoughts I realised that it was equally painful for kaku and kakima to bear the situation and prayed to Him to give them the strength.

Adi was out in the backyard prancing around with his football. I went up to his room again. He had messed up the room another time. It was a  real mystery how a person could be so messy. I started cleaning up when Adi called. He asked me to join him for one last game of football. I decided to join him. Maybe it would relieve my stress a bit. Adi had always been a source of joy.

I played with him and laughed with him, faking every bit of my emotions. I badly needed a shoulder to cry on but I didn’t have any. After about half an hour I asked him to get ready for the airport. I went up and kaku called to inform that the surgery had been anticipated to six. I swallowed the lump and lied to him that everything would be fine.

Baba came informing me that he was leaving for the hospital and said that he had met Adi and told him bye. I saw him to the door and called for Adi. We went to the temple again and I made him sit quitely and pray while it was actually me who kept praying. Maa always asked us to pray to God before going out, I remembered. When we finished praying, I asked Adi to open the door and go out into the garden while I went upstairs to bring his luggage.

I brought his trolleys downstairs and went out to find him lingering in the garden.

“Sit in the car. I’ll load these in the back seat and join you.”

“Let me help you.”

“I’ll manage.”

“You already look very tired dada.”

“I’m okay love. Don’t worry about me.”

I drove him to the airport and he went in after giving me tight hug, "Keep your hostel room clean and do all your work properly. Don't get into trouble please and call me once you land. Don't forget.", I called after him. He waved his hands in response and went away leaving a void in my heart already while I was expecting another void soon. I drove around for a while struggling to come to terms that Adi was gone for the next six months. Beginning to feel tired I went home. Baba had still not returned from the hospital. I called him but he didn’t receive. I couldn’t gather the courage to call kaku. Trying to calm my nerves I sat with a cup of tea and a couple Marie Gold biscuits, my first food after breakfast. After a while I went up to Adi’s room expecting it to need a another clean up, but it was surprisingly tidy and astonishingly empty. It struck me that Adi was finally gone now and there would be no one to mess about the house anymore. It was a deafening silence that hit me. Adi wasn’t home. It didn’t feel like home any longer.

I sat on his bed while baba called saying that Shaon was out of danger. A little portion of my life came back to me. It was half past eight when baba reached home and came up to Adi’s room, knowing by default that I would be there.

Going through Adi’s stuffs and re-arranging them, I found a card where he had stuck a picture of our’s and beneath it was written, “ Thank you for fathering me for all these years dada. Your struggle was real and you’ve emerged a hero. Don’t worry. I’ll keep my hostel room clean and do my work nicely. Your efforts won’t go in vain. I love you dada and I’ll miss you.  –Love, Adi.”

Baba sat beside me reading it as well. “You have indeed emerged a hero Abhi.”, he said. I looked at him. He hadn't called me Abhi for as long as I can remember. I stared at him while tears formed at the corner of my eyes. He smiled and took the card from me and kept it aside, hugging me hard for the first time in so many years "Don't cry son. Your little brother will grow up in the hostel and make you proud.", and I broke down like never before, knowing that I would be comforted to silence this time.

-Reva.